I am self-aware enough to know that I often form my opinion on an event, topic, or thing, opposite of what popular opinion is. I do not like Marvel movies, mostly because they aren’t good, but I also gain a little shot of euphoria believing I am on a different wave length than the majority of the world who instinctively watch every super hero movie completely ignorant of their low quality and formulaic money making intentions.

The NFL draft is hugely popular and grows in size every year. It is an outdated method of hiring new employees for one of the biggest and most publicly viewed work forces. Pasty old white guys break down each draft selection in painful detail while one token former black player or front office executive sits at the desk next to them to add diversity.

It is impossible to predict which players will have successful careers and which players will flame out after just a year or two. The bad teams are unfairly rewarded with more valuable spots in the draft in an effort to give them the best players. The draft is a public event used by the NFL to exploit the feeble hope of fan bases. In the recent years the NFL has moved the location of the draft in an effort to generate a larger crowd at the actual draft itself cashing in on regionalism between cities.

Commissioner Roger Goodell who still thinks NFL players shouldn’t be allowed to smoke weed citing their long term health while it is rapidly being proven that football is causing long term brain damage and joint injuries, parades out military members and young kids with cancer and missing limbs in an attempt to soak up some of the positive attention from them into the NFL. On paper the NFL draft is fucking awful.

I love the NFL draft.

Sitting for 8 hours at a time watching players from college football get selected watching highlights and discussing team needs and weakness, players measurables, 40 times, and various trades is unbelievably entertaining.

2017 NFL Draft


This was one of the weaker drafts in terms of quarterbacks. There wasn’t a definitive franchise leading QB but there were several mid round talents with the potential to be adequate starters. Even with the weak crop of QB’s three were drafted in the top 12 picks. The Bears switched spots with the 49ers moving up from the third to the second pick by giving the 49ers their third and fourth round picks along with a third round pick for the 2018 draft. That is a fairly steep price to move up one spot in the draft to get Mitch “I love kissing titties” Trubisky (North Carolina). The Bears signed Mike Glennon to a $50 million contract in the off season (it’s really only a one year deal with the way the guaranteed money is laid out) who was invited to the Bears draft party. That’s cold blooded to invite your newly signed QB to watch his younger replacement get hired.

The second QB drafted was Patrick Mahomes out of Texas Tech at the 10th spot by the Chiefs. Kansas City moved up to the 10th spot by trading their first round pick (27th), two third round picks, and 2018 first round pick to the Bills. Another heavy price to pay for an inaccurate gun slinger, but this selection was almost universally praised as head coach Andy Reid has experience in reigning in reckless QB’s and elevating QB performance.

The Texans selected Deshaun Watson with the 12th pick. Watson doesn’t have the measurables as the other QB’s in the draft, but he apparently has a hard ethic, great personality, and a winning pedigree. He led the Clemson Tigers to a national championship win over Alabama just a few months ago. Watson will most likely be the starter for the first game of the regular season as the Texans just discarded Brock Osweiler and have one of the most pitiful QB depth charts in recent memory.

The Browns selected DeShone Kizer (Notre Dame) in the second round, the Giants selected Davis Webb (California) in the third, the 49ers selected C.J. Beathard (Iowa) in the third, the Steelers selected Joshua Dobbs (Tennessee) in the fourth, the Lions selected Brad Kaaya (Miami) in the sixth, and the Broncos selected Chad “AK47 spray” Kelly with the very last pick in the draft in the seventh round.

Many pointed out the coincidence of Josh Dobbs being selected at the same exact pick as Dak Prescott in last year’s draft. I can only assume that Kaaya is devastated with how far he fell in the draft as he expected to go in the first 3 rounds and now has to live in Detroit. Chad Kelly was drafted by his uncles (Jim Kelly) friend John Elway and was caught sleeping on his couch when ESPN put a live feed of him on TV.

Defensive Backs

The new record was set for the number of defensive backs drafted. Nine of the first 33 picks were defensive backs, 29 of the first 107 were defensive backs, and 56 defensive backs were drafted out of the total  253 picks. That’s 22 percent of the entire draft class.

Jake Butt

The first round tight end talent out of Michigan dropped to the 5th round. After suffering a torn ACL in the Orange Bowl, everyone knew his draft stock dropped significantly. His insurance policy kicked in after not being drafted in the middle of the third round. For every pick he wasn’t selected after the middle of the third he received $10,000. The policy paid out $543,000 due to his fall to the 5th round. These insurance policies are a safety net for players injured when playing for free in college but he still received less money than he would have if he was drafted in the first three rounds.

Joe Mixon

Like every year, players with character concerns or criminal records are drafted surround in controversy. Mixon this year was drafted in the second round by the Bengals and is famous for breaking the jaw of a girl at a fast food restaurant. The assault was caught on security camera (which ESPN played after he was drafted) and he was suspended for a year while at Oklahoma. Mixon and his criminal past was discussed and ridiculed by Louis Reddick on the ESPN broadcast. Just moments later Jim Brown was cheered at the podium to announce the Browns second round pick. Jim Brown has a notorious past filled with domestic violence. Irony.

Draft Pick Presenters

In the later rounds of the draft, picks are often announced in corny ways unique to the city of the team that is making the pick (NASA headquarters for the Houston Texans). These are a transparent attempt to keep the attention of the viewer and often are promoting something else. A monkey announced a couple of picks, kids at the New Era hat headquarters, a woman at the space station (pre-recorded), people on the power tower at Cedar Point, scuba divers, military bases with a tank in the background, and Robert Kirkman from the walking dead were just a few of the hard to watch draft selection shams.

Schools with the most selections

Michigan – 11
Alabama – 10
Miami – 9
Florida – 8
LSU – 8
Utah – 8
Ohio State – 7
Clemson – 6
North Carolina – 6
Tennessee – 6
Pittsburgh – 5
Texas A&M – 5
UCLA – 5
USC – 5
Washington – 5


The 2017 draft was hosted by Philadelphia, the home of the Eagles and the most vicious fan base. Like all public appearances in and city, Goodell was boo’d at a deafening volume, but the Philly fans boo’d at pretty much everyone who didn’t have ties to the Eagles. Former Cowboys wide receiver Drew Pearson received an exceptionally brutal wave of boo’s as the Eagles and Cowboys are historic rivals. Pearson went into heel mode taunting the fans saying things like “5 time world champion Dallas Cowboys” and “I’d like to thank the Eagles fans for allowing me to have a career in the NFL.” The crowd erupted into boo’s creating a fun moment.


Atop the Rocky steps at the Philadelphia museum, the 2017 draft in Philadelphia set an attendance record. Close to 80,000 people were in the crowd during the first round and its estimated 250,000 people visited the draft over the 3 days.

The NFL draft is unfair, exploitative, corny, and exceedingly extravagant, but it makes great TV.

Below are the picks (the ones highlighted in yellow are compensatory picks).

Round 1



Round 2



Round 3



Round 4



Round 5



Round 6



Round 7