A few posts ago I was criticizing Bellator for having a card filled with overweight fighters, something I never saw in the UFC. That was the case until UFC Fight Night 96 where 3 fighters were overweight including John Lineker in the headlining fight. This card became exhausting to watch at times with several boring fights, I believe I might be getting burnt out with MMA and am expecting chaos at all times. This card started later than normal being in Portland on the west coast and it did have its exciting moments including a suplex, head crushing elbows, and a crazy lady screaming in the stands.

Preliminary Card (UFC Fight Pass)

Women’s Bantamweight – Ketlen Vieira def. Kelly Faszholz – Decision split – (28-29, 29-28, 29-28)

Besides looking exhausted in the second half of the fight and absorbing some late blows, Vieira controlled this fight. I am not sure how one judge scored that she lost in the first round as she took Faszholz to the ground and stayed on top of her the whole time. In the second round Vieira took Faszholz to the mat multiple times and was stood up by the ref for being inactive while on the ground. Vieira looked exhausted at the end of the second round, and both fighters appeared to be out of gas in the third round. Faszholz landed a few jabs in the third, but Vieira slammed her down scoring another takedown. I don’t think this fight was as close as the scorecards suggest.

Heavyweight – Curtis Blaydes def. Cody East – TKO elbows – (RD 2 – 2:02)

It felt like the entrance music for these fighters got mixed up, but to avoid racial stereotyping, I am not going to explain that any further. In the first round both fighters scored take downs, but Blaydes were more emphatic and he appeared to be stronger than East. At one point both fighters were in the clinch and Blaydes forced East to the other side of the ring, dragging him. In the second round Blaydes took East to the ground and crushed him with several full power elbows. Blaydes on his back started hitting East’s body with elbows and then transition to his unguarded head. After what felt like 5 too many elbows to the head of East, the fight was called.

Light Heavyweight – Ion Cutelaba def. Jonathan Wilson – Decision unanimous – (30-27, 30-27, 30-27)

Cutelaba has vicious overhand rights and he used them in the first round. In the second round Cutelaba landed a direct kick to the nuts of Wilson. I don’t think I have seen such a painful kick in the UFC. Wilson was clearly messed up and took the whole 5 minutes to recover from his free and involuntary neutering. The rest of the second and the entire third round saw the two fighters trading blows. Cutelaba threw several spinning punches and landed a couple of combos. Wilson played decent defense but he couldn’t find many openings and lost a fight in which he suffered an injury that will require a lot of recovery time.

Middleweight – Nate Marquardt def. Tamdan McCrory – KO punch and head kick – (RD 2 – 4:44)

What Marquardt did to McCrory in the second round was the most impressive sequence of events of the night. He landed a right hook that stunned McCrory and he wobbled barely being able to support his own weight. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state, Marquardt landed a head kick that finished McCrory. Marquardt didn’t go in for a hammer fist to ensure McCrory was out because it was obvious that McCrory was done after he fell like someone pulled the matt from underneath them. Marquardt can still knock fools out in his advanced age.

Preliminary Card (FS1)

Welterweight – Elizeu Zaleski dos Santos def. Keita Nakamura – Decision unanimous – (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)

I am far from an expert, but I have dabbled in the world of martial arts movies (some of my favorites being The Protector, The Raid, Tears for the Dead, Ong Bak, IP Man) and nothing gets myself more excited than when a suplex is used to take an enemy down. I saw my first MMA suplex last week during Invicta FC 19 and I saw my second during the match between “I have three last names” Zaleski dos Santos and Nakamura. In the third round dos Santos threw Nakamura over his head as he fell to the mat. After the sick take down, he got Nakamura into a tight shoulder choke that Nakamura was able to escape from. Both fighters traded blows throughout the match, but dos Santos was the clear winner.

Heavyweight – Shamil Adburakhimov def. Walt Harris – Decision split – (28-29, 29-28, 29-28)

The most impressive part of this match up was the impeccable Bruce Buffer announcing Shamil Adburakhimov as smooth as he would announce Mike Smith. Buffer is awesome and having him adds a lot to the viewing experience. In the first round, Harris landed an over hand right which opened up a wound behind the ear of Adburakhimov. In the second round on the ground Harris attempted a choke, but Adburakhimov was able to escape. As the fighters stood up they traded blows where Harris landed a powerful counter punch. That was the story of the match, Harris was able to land counters but he was never the aggressor, he only responded to the attacks from Adburakhimov.

Catchweight (148.5 lb) Andre Fili def. Hacran Dias – Decision unanimous – (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)

The first of three catchweight bouts took place between Andre “touchy” Fili and the overweight Hacran Dias. In the first round Dias fell to the ground where Fili went in for the kill and used up a lot of energy looking for the TKO. That was the best moment of the fight. Dias survived the attack and then the next 2 plus rounds saw both fighters take each other to the ground but not being able to get a submission. Fili won the fight scoring more take downs than Dias. Overall this boring fight wasn’t great for Dias as he lost and 20% of his earnings will be given to Fili as a punishment for not making weight.

Light Heavyweight – Luis Henrique da Silva def. Joachim Christensen – Submission armbar – (RD 2 – 4:43)

In addition to physical and social ruining obesity, eating pizza, wings, and fast food leads to bowel movements that are tough to control. I saw da Silva clip Christensen in the first round with a kick which brought him to the mat. But as I rushed to the bathroom at the beginning of the second round, I heard my friends cheer as something exciting happened in the fight. After leaving the disgusting bathroom I saw the fight was over and my friends had to explain that da Silva brought Christensen to the ground with a knee and then forced him to tap after putting him in an armbar submission. Good thing I have Fight Pass so I can re-watch this fight, but bad thing it was on FS1 so it will be blacked out for a month. Oh well, another reason to stop binge eating.

Main Card (FS1)

Flyweight – Brandon Moreno def. Louis Smolka – Submission guillotine – (RD 1 – 2:23)

The young “assassin baby” Moreno submitted Smolka with one of the most brutal guillotines I have seen. When Moreno locked up Smolka’s head and leaned back putting all of his body weight into the choke, you could see the bones protruding against the skin of Smolka’s neck. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Smolka laid motionless after the fight was called with a broken neck.

Welterweight – Zak Ottow def. Joshua Burkman – Decision split – (29-28, 28-29, 29-28)

This fight was boring. The fight was stopped in the first round after another nut shot and by the third round, the crowd began booing dissatisfied with the two fighters. One member of the crowd, which I assumed was a woman, kept screaming over and over. It wasn’t a scream cheering the fighters on, it sounded like a death scream. She kept screaming and was very audible during the broadcast. This fight sucked, Ottow survived a choke attempt in the second round and the rest of the fight was boring. Screaming lady is the only thing worth writing about.

Catchweight (161.5 lb) Alex Oliveira def. Will Brooks – KO punches – (RD 3 – 3:30)

It is hard to like Oliveira after his performance in this fight. The first thing to note is that he was overweight, not by a pound or too like most fighters who miss weight, but he missed weight by close to 6 pounds. The is a lot in the fighting world and that’s unacceptable for a professional fighter to miss weight by that much (coming from a fat guy who has no control over his weight). After the weigh ins Brooks said just that, calling the weight miss unprofessional. Apparently this was “disrespectful” to Oliveira and after getting the TKO call and the win, Oliveira gave Brooks the crotch chop.

Now it doesn’t help that Oliveira has a very punch able face, but taunting after a win while being way overweight is the douchiest thing I have seen in a long time. Brooks went after the douche bag in the Cowboy hat, understandably. During the post-fight interview, Oliveira sort of apologized saying that he did the crotch chop because Brooks disrespected him. Brooks didn’t disrespect him, he called him unprofessional which was an accurate assessment. Oliveira is a tool. He can now enjoy his win that no one will give him credit for because he was overweight and he is required to give 20% of his earnings to the actually disrespected Brooks.

Catchweight (136.5 lb) John Lineker def. John Dodson – Decision split – (47-48, 48-47, 48-47)

The headlining fight between the overweight Lineker and Dodson was so fucking boring. I didn’t even take notes. The whole fight saw Dodson bounce around Lineker. The whole fight. Every time Lineker tried to fight, Dodson would just bounce away. This annoying Lineker to the point where he stood still and taunted Dodson to come fight him. When Dodson refused Lineker impersonated him and acted like he was running away. Big John put an end to that and then the fighters when back to doing next to nothing. Lineker took a lot of punches to the face and almost tired himself out chasing after Dodson, but he was the clear winner in my mind. He actually came to fight. I believe Dodson plan was to tire out Lineker and then try to finish him in the later rounds but he was unsuccessful. The screaming lady was in the background all 5 rounds, and that reminds me, why was this fight 5 rounds? I though only championship rounds were 5 rounds. Lineker was .5 pounds overweight but he felt like he still deserves a title shot.

Overall this card was kind of disappointing. I think I am becoming too greedy and want a blood bath every fight. Regardless, UFC 204 is this Saturday, October 8th 2016.