After a long night at a great show 2 hours away from my house where the PBR’s were only $3 and the waitress constantly served me because none of the other metal nerds were buying any drinks, I slept through my intentions of mowing my yard and cleaning my house before the NFL games started. I woke up at noon, promptly got into my car where my front left tire has been low on air for close to a month, booted up a podcast on my phone, and made my weekly (or I guess daily) fast food run. On my way home from the multiple fast food restaurants I saw a police officer at every busy intersection directing traffic. The traffic lights weren’t working, the power was out. I began to panic as I assumed I had lost power as well, which meant no football.

I didn’t lose power.

Below are my well thought out and carefully written observations.

Ryan Fitzpatrick

Fitzmagic had a rough day throwing not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, but 6 interceptions. I hadn’t seen a performance that interception heavy since the Vicodin Brett Favre days in the mid 90’s. Fitzpatrick has the ability to play great, referencing his 7 touchdown game with the Texans 2 years ago, but he also has the ability to lose his poise and play like he did on Sunday. The Jets need a franchise QB and continuing to go 6-10, 7-9, 8-8, and 9-7 will never award them with a high enough pick in the draft to get a good QB. When I think of the Jets I think of Fitzpatrick (who has played for 6 different teams) because they are both mediocre.

NFL Rules are dumb

In the same game that saw the civil war general looking Fitzpatrick throw 6 interceptions, Spencer Ware scored a touchdown that was rewarded not with 6 points, but with a turnover and a touchback for the Jets. Filling in for the injured Jamal Charles, Spencer Ware made a diving attempt for the end zone and reached for the pylon with the ball. He reached the pylon before going down, but the ball wiggled in his hands as he did so. So the refs reviewed the play as they do every scoring play and took the TD off the board and ruled it a fumble through the back of the end zone which results in a change of possession and a touchback for the other team. A fumble that hits the pylon is a touchback for the opposing team. Why? I couldn’t believe this call. The NFL has gotten out of control with over analyzing every rule and turned the replay feature into a detriment to the league. Give the Chiefs the ball at the one if it is a fumble. Don’t give it to the other team because it hit the pylon. Fucking stupid.

OBJ vs. Josh Norman 2

Odell Beckham Jr. and Josh Norman went after each other last year when their teams played each other. Norman clearly got into Beckham’s head last year which lead to Beckham getting multiple personal fouls and a 1 game suspension for going after Norman’s head. This year Norman got into his head again.

Beckham had a great game even with one of the best corners in football covering him, but he was clearly upset and one has to assume Norman was a big contributor to his emotional tirade. After Manning through a late game interception, a frustrated Beckham attacked the kickers net which fell back and hit him in the head. He was then seen visibly crying on the side lines. The giants lost, not due to Beckham’s play, and the OBJ/Norman rivalry lives on.

The Pump

The featured image for this post should be Emmanuel Sanders twerking in the end zone after scoring, an homage to Antonio Brown from week one. But the horrified producer of the CBS broadcast quickly turned the feed to a camera focused on the extremely white Trevor Siemian who was not a risk of doing a crude dance that would warp the minds of the young white boys watching at home. Come on Sanders, think about the kids.

Weird knee injuries

Russell Wilson and Dez Bryant suffered weird knee injuries that hobbled them but didn’t prevent them from going back into the game. The replays of the tackles look like blown out ACL’s. Both are still getting evaluated and the extent of their injuries have yet to be released. Both teams rely on these two players so if they miss a significant amount of time, the team’s season are likely over, especially the Seahawks. Both are tough SOB’s for going back into the game.

Monday Night Football

ESPN has been doomed from the beginning when they were given the worst NFL games of the week for the expensive time slot over a decade ago. I rarely watch MNF and if I do it is just for a few minutes like I did last night. I caught the horrendous c’mon man segment before the game and the constant reminder that last night was the 10 year anniversary when a punt was blocked in New Orleans. Great, they blocked a punt after Katrina. We get it, it was awesome and the dude who blocked the punt now has ALS and receives the Craig Sager treatment for being sick and having dope healthcare. We get it ESPN, how heartwarming. I am extremely cynical and furious that I am forced to pay a lot of money for shitty health coverage, but the ESPN coverage of the Saints Monday night game 10 years ago doesn’t feel genuine. Every time, for as long as ESPN has the Monday night NFL slot, when the Falcons and Saints play each other, they will wheel out Gleason and go for the low hanging sentimental fruit.

Here are the scores from week 3: